Add Water and Stir :: Simple Thoughts

Love By the Numbers:
Is the Ratio Really in His Favor? by Thea Rashad

After a few dates, it was obvious we were not a good fit. While I thought I was
leaving the situation with honesty and compassion, it didn’t soften the blow or
prevent him from taking offense. In a quick tempered way, he shot back at me.

His exact words escape me (I am getting old, at least according to him). But, he
insinuated that time was running out for an old bird like me. I would be wise to
recognize he was a good man. I recall snapping back with the declaration that
with or without a husband, I would still die with a contented heart. I know, I
know! That was the best I could do in a pinch. Since the fifth grade, my
comebacks have never packed any heat.

Still, I’d be less than honest if I didn’t admit his words stung a bit—partly
because it’s the thing most single women at a certain age begin to fear or rather
hear.

Tick-tock! Tick-tock! Time’s running out! Tick-tock!

Plus, consider the belief that the odds really aren’t in a woman’s favor. The ratio
of women to men in Washington D.C., the young professional capital of the
U.S., is a ridiculous 30 to 1! Historically black colleges tout a female to male ratio
of 7 to 1. The 2000 Census estimates there are 90 black men for every 100
black women in the U.S. And let’s not forget the possibility there are scores of
potential husbands in prison. With lottery numbers like that, women are left
wondering if they’ll ever hit the jackpot. Might as well play the scratch-off game
and settle for the consolation prize.

Well, the gentleman who dissed me, my ovaries and the date on my birth
certificate is looking at those same numbers thinking he’s got plenty of time and
most importantly, plenty of other options. I want to argue that nothing could be
farther from the truth. That's if, men treasure quality over quantity. Similar to
sisters, the clock on a brother’s TAG Heuer is ticking too, leaving me to ask
whether the ratio is really in his favor?

In these tough economic times, love is also taking a hit. Some men are confident
in the odds. They’re resting their laurels on the ratio. Either their standards are
out of sync with reality or they’re in no rush to settle down. But, if and when
they do, they’re armed with a checklist as they navigate their way through the
limitless available women.

There’s the Vanity List: She’s cute, great body, her hair meets the length and
texture requirement, and she’s the right complexion. Then there’s the Fabulous
List: She’s successful, smart, her whip is fly and she’s a who-knows-who with
the right pedigree. There's Mirror Girl: she's a no-fuss kind of gal along for the
ride, an extension of his comfort zone.

The lists are endless. The point is, however, that it’s human nature to take the
path of least resistance. But, brothers should be careful. Instead of taking
offense to that one sister that challenged them, they should take note. It might
be time for some introspection before they end up like one of them.

T.H.E.M?
Trapped and Hurting in an Empty Marriage

There’s a way single sisters with wisdom could start making money—a side
hustle, if you will. All they’d have to do is start charging those embattled men
who confide in their female friends instead of the woman they chose to be with.
You know them or rather T.H.E.M. He’s Trapped and Hurting in an Empty
Marriage. The family picture presents like a Norman Rockwell painting.

But, behind the canvass is a miserable marriage, infidelity and an inability to
communicate. He’s no more clear about why he selected this woman than he is
on how to resolve their problems. And scores of lucky (or unlucky) women out
there get all the sordid details in seemingly innocent phone therapy sessions.
The intimacy and sharing that should exist between the man and his wife is
evident in some poor single sister’s cell phone bill. He’s getting his needs—
emotional and sometimes physical— met outside of the marriage or relationship.
How sad.

It’s just proof the numbers can be deceiving. It’s not that there are more
options, but rather more candidates to vet, more weeds to sift through before
you find the right one. It’s hard for men to admit they were ego-tripping or
caving under social pressure when they decided to settle down. Some are
content living in denial— if it doesn’t look broken, don’t fix it. Others are like
Diddy, aging, commitment-phobic and still in the club.

Cuteness fades. Character is forever. The ratio really isn’t in a man’s favor
because it’s easy to overlook a potential gem. Brothers and sisters need only to
examine the singles scene and the state of marriages as proof. Cleverly
disguised in that grossly disproportionate male-to-female ratio are low quality
women, misfits and unassuming mistakes.

Sure, they look good on paper, his mama likes her and maybe they can make it
work with a few adjustments. But, they’ll be the source of one another’s
migraines years from now, if they don’t choose wisely.

As for the brother who dared to remind me that time was not on my side, he’s
good fodder at Sunday brunch with my girls. It’s funny how he chastised me for
having the audacity to be selective when his own clock is ticking. Tick-tock or
not, if I can’t have the real deal, I don’t want a bootlegged version either.
Women should be confident in one number—their own.

Like clockwork, the day is coming when things like honesty, intimacy, sacrifice,
fun and intellectually stimulating conversation will be more important to him than
ego gratification, the house, the two-car garage, the right church and an elite
circle of friends. That’s when he’ll reach out in the middle of the night
overwhelmed with nostalgia to call the one who always listened.

Ring, ring, ring…

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Ready to Rumble: The WWE & God

“Cuteness fades.
Character is forever.
The ratio really isn’t
in a man’s favor
because it’s easy to
overlook a potential
gem. Brothers and
sisters need only to
examine the singles
scene and the state
of marriages as
proof.”